Get cho' blog on:

What if commercials came true. What I'm saying is this: the next time you flip on the boob tube and see a goofy teen pop a "Gusher" into his mouth, then immediately become a cartoon fruit-head... imagine that being real. Stopped at a red-light, you glance over at the car next to you, hoping it's someone attractive. It's not. It's fruit-head. He must'a had a Gusher. Side note: GUSHERS NEED TO REGAIN THEIR POWER AT THE TOP OF THE GUMMY FOOD CHAIN.

Example numero dos of said scenerio: What if commercials were real life:

1. See: Any happy family commercial. This could be a number of things, but try this one on for size: An Olive Garden commercial (imagine being in the same restaurant as a family of four, all laughing, telling jokes, and passing the salad bowl very very joyfully. Oh, I almost forgot the happy Italian music obviously playing in the background. You're trying to have a business conversation but can't hear yourself think because the Jones family just ordered more bread sticks and then knee-slapped in a gleeful manner.) That would not be a wonderful situation.

"Art is the only way to run away without ever leaving home."

-Twyla Tharp

Biting off more than you can chew.

I'm continuing with 'Choke,' so if you haven't read it, don't, because by reading this you will probably get the whole synopsis. Or maybe you should read it because I feel like it's the right thing to do to encourage people to read.

So this is the story: A man goes to restaurant. Man orders food. Halfway through meal, said man purposefully makes himself choke on said food. He almost dies. People in the restaurant rush over to save him. Again, he does this on purpose.

When I first started reading this book, I tried to think of legitimate reasons why a person would actually do this. Let me tell you what "man's" justification is. He plainly states that he does it to make people feel like heros. That if someone saves your life, they'll remember you, and they'll remember that day forever. Not what you were expecting, right? Me neither.

So this is the question I pose: Is it right to make someone think they're doing something heroic, even though they're being lied to?

Author's opinion: In all honesty, yes. I'm thinking about it right now, and if someone is nice enough to shove a cow down their throat just so I can remember that I did something terrifically awesome and boost my self-esteem.... then I will rightfully so love them forever. Good for you. Everyone's new life goal: inhale dinner in a crowded room.

Observations.

- I hope that some day... some illuminating day in the future... women all over the world will look back and realize that they publicly professed their love to a sparkling vampire.

-I hate that as the days go by, people are falling further and further into the hole of "I'm going to take this picture because I know a great quote to with it when it's posted on facebook."

That is all.

Choke on this

Current book of choice: Choke. Author: Chuck Palahniuk. You might have heard of him. In any case, these different issues continue to arise in this book, but they keep being swept under the rug thanks to Chuck's simple and flighty way of writing. It's time to take a stand people. Let's discuss what this man is saying. Although his every sentence sounds bizarre (Example: telling a woman he rapped her dog to allow her to forgive someone. See also: purposely choking on food to allow an unknown hero to save you), they might actually have meaning.

Q: Does it make sense to ruin the future to preserve the present? This could have been over-looked by nonsense-babble, but luckily, this blog exists. Come on, think about it. This topic is ;alksjdf;alskjfHUGE. Allow me to drop a word bomb: social security. Is it right to snatch money from youngsters just so the nice elderly people can have security in social form, when obviously that is one bank account which will not be alive for long? Should I pay Grandad a percent of my salary to help him survive? He's old. What's he going to do with it? Where I'm standing, no one is going to pay for me when I'm "of age." Double sided tape: if I were that Grandad, I'd want my share of the bargain. Again - does it make sense to ruin the future just to preserve the present.

A: Oh, definitely. No day but today, right? (Musical reference: 1 point.) But seriously (and I know I'm being a little dramatic here), but what if the world actually ended tomorrow. Aside from the extreme regret on my part, the world would have to live with the fact that they pushed aside actual living people to worry about something that does not exist, and now that the world is over, it will never exist. So, play on, old people. I will happily give you part of my pay check. I take that back. I won't be happy about it, but I'll understand why it's being done.

Here's to you, senior citizens.